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This is one of the contributions to:DIABETES ESSAY AND POEM COMPETITION 2009
"Cerys have you got everything?" I yelled at her. I knew I shouldn't shout but it was important that she had everything and the bus would be here soon. Normally Mum would be able to take us into school, but this morning she had gone to Newtown early for a meeting. It was the first time that she was working away from Welshpool since we found out.
Two months ago we found out my younger sister Cerys had diabetes, it was the worst day of my life , I hate to think how she felt.
Saturday 28th February, this was the day it all started. I had my friend Molly staying as we had been to a party the previous night. At around 9.15 am my phone started to ring, it was Cerys, I wondered into her room to find out what the problem was. I was not expecting the response I ended up getting to my innocent question. "Mum thinks I am diabetic" she collapsed into my arms in tears of disbelief and anger. For once I was speechless. I had to leave her to go to work. After work I met my best friends as we were going shopping. If I am honest I had forgotten all about Cerys. I checked my mobile, I had three missed calls, two from Mum and one from Cerys. I rang Mum her voice was flat, I knew straight away that something was wrong, she started to cry and then Dad spoke to me his voice was all wobbly and he told me , Cerys was diabetic and needed to go to hospital. I felt my throat go dry and tears trickled down my face. When I hung the phone up I sat on a seat at the bus stop and burst into tears. I couldn't tell my friends they wouldn't understand, I felt anger and sadness. I was confused, what was diabetes, I cried harder. Dad came and picked me up from town, we had to go to the hospital.
The hospital was empty, we went through to the children's ward. I had my arm linked through Cerys's and I was squeezing tighter and tighter with every step we took. I could feel my knees shaking. I was more nervous than her, on dads arm was a night bag, we knew she would have to stay in.
I walked in to a room, a bed was made up in the left hand corner and the smell was horrible, disinfectant. Diagonally across from Cerys bed was a young Mum and her baby, but if I am honest, they did not matter to me, I was worried about my sister. My hands were clammy, my makeup barley visible, my eyes red and swollen, I was hungry but didn't want to eat. I was in shock!
As the nurse spoke to us her voice was calm and sympathetic, she had a slight sound of happiness, not nasty but loving, this gave me reassurance. I trusted her with what she said. I cried many times in that hour that she talked to us.
I had to get out, I couldn't stay there much longer, the thought, the smell, the same four walls and worst of all my Mum and Dad's blood shot eyes, it looked as though they hadn't slept in days, weeks even.
Standing the opposite side of the children's ward away from the realities of life I walked through the double doors into the cafeteria, nobody knew why I was there. I could pretend it wasn't true for a while, just thinking of nothing. "What can I get you love?" the lady behind the counter asked in an innocent tone. As I looked at her I thought, she has no idea, she thinks nothing of my presence. Suddenly I realised I was day dreaming. I got a bottle of water, I knew water was the best option as there was a very long list of food and drink Cerys couldn't have. Unfortunately!
I walked into the large white room for the second time that day. I perched on the end of Cerys bed and stole her table. In an attempt to lighten the atmosphere I laughed "Wow I have always wanted to use one of these hospital tables. You are going to be treated like a princess in here". Cerys laughed out loud as I tucked into my sandwich. A rush of guilt flushed through me as I realised Cerys could not eat anything at the moment. A tear trickled down my cheek without warning as the nurse arrived with all of the equipment we needed to take home. The bed was covered. She had brought the pens that Cerys was going to have to use to inject herself with four times a day. I just could not come to terms with the fact that my little sister was a diabetic.
That night Dad and I went home. I did the ironing so Mum wouldn't have to. We sat down at 9.30 to eat. I woke suddenly, my phone had vibrated in my hand. Dad and I had fallen asleep. Dad was on the other sofa looking so peaceful and innocent but as I watched him I knew I should wake him so he could go to bed. As I turned my head I looked at the time, 11.30 and we were quite literally wiped out.
"Cerys is coming home" my dad squealed excitedly down the phone. I leapt to my feet and jumped up and down. It was the first time I had smiled in what seemed like months, it felt good!
Once Dad had returned from walking our dog Ben, we hopped in the car. All that was on our minds was Cerys and nothing else. I had so many questions I wanted answered. I knew that if I broke the silence Dad would feel like he had to talk, so I enjoyed the silence for a couple more minutes.
Back at the hospital we sat around and waited for Doctors and nurses once again. I looked at my sister's face, she looked tired and upset. I could tell she was trying to put on a brave face and it hurt knowing she felt she had to do that. I felt close to tears, but stopped myself. It's not fair on Cerys I told myself over and over in my head.
Mum had to get out of the hospital and was going to go to ASDA to buy cereal bars and starbursts, the foods Cerys needed to deal with 'Hypos'. I was fed up of the ward and I hadn't stayed the night. Cerys wanted to get out more than any of us, It hurt knowing she couldn't. She was lying on the bed looking fit as a fiddle and it didn't look right. She looked like my sister nothing wrong at all and not ill. That's what I found most difficult about this whole situation, she did not deserve this curse!
In the car I spoke to Mum about Cerys, it helped to talk about it. It helped me to understand and to realise that this wasn't a dream but reality. As we drove towards ASDS Mum started to cry, none of us could help the tears. I understood that Mum and Dad were as shocked as I was, if not more as they understood the implications of diabetes more than me. It was not an illness that I had ever really thought about but I knew that I would soon be an expert. Grandma and Granddad showed up at the hospital later to see Cerys. They had travelled for two hours and wondered why I told them to stay for dinner. I was glad when they took my advice. I have never seen my Granddad cry before, but that day I did.
Dad and I went home from the hospital at four, I was annoyed as I had thought that Cerys would be out sooner. She had to wait for all of the medication to come up from pharmacy and as it was a Sunday there was a long delay. The waiting didn't really matter it was just important that she was ok.
Cerys arrived home later and tea was ready for eating as soon as she walked in. It was her favourite meal, Sunday roast. I was so happy she was back where she belonged. Cerys had to inject herself and then eat ,if she waited too long then she risked dropping her blood sugar, I had already started to learn about diabetes and it was only day 2.
It was my turn to perform the horrendous task of injecting. The nurse had said that we all had to have a go so that we knew what to do. I prepared the insulin pen, screw the needle in place, make sure there is no air in the tube, set the dial to seven and then it was time for the difficult part. Tears pricked my eyes, I didn't think I had any left I thought I was all cried out. I stabbed the needle into her leg and as I held it there for the longest ten seconds of my life the tears wouldn't stop.
After we finished out tea I felt better and silly for crying. I knew I shouldn't feel so sad and upset but I couldn't help it. It was Cerys who had diabetes yet she seemed to have taken it better than all of us. These last two month has been the hardest and scariest of my life. I have been tested to the limit emotionally. I have a strong and supportive family and we will get through it. "Cerys, are you ready yet?" I ask in a calmer tone than I had used a second ago. I wipe a tear from my eye quickly before she notices. I am still fragile, I think we all are.
As Cerys and I walk towards the bus I give her a quick hug by putting my arm around her shoulders. "You ok?" she asks in a concerned voice "Yes" I replied "yes I am fine". As I look at her I realise it is getting better as we all get used to it. Soon we won't remember life without diabetes.