Then.

It all began in October 2005. I was 10 years old and a busy sporty boy who was never ill. I began to feel lethargic and tired. Dizzy too. In waves that came and went I felt nauseous and anxious. I tried to ignore all this though as I played with friends and even took part in a school hockey match. When I lost my balance and fell off a high wall I knew something was wrong. I was also aware that I was going to the toilet all the time. Mum and Dad didn't know what was wrong and when I wet my bed two nights in a row- at the age of 10 - they knew I needed to see a doctor. We thought I had some kind of bladder infection. Well, the GP knew immediately. Diabetes type 1.

This was three years ago and my life changed forever. I was really afraid. I had never experienced such fear in my whole life. On the Sunday before my diagnosis Mum took the whole family to the pub for a Sunday roast. Before we left I remember lying on the sofa feeling really drowsy. I also remember soaking my head in the sink trying to wash the fear away. Although I felt rotten I didn't want the Sunday meal to be spoilt. At the pub I was offered roast chicken, my favourite meal in the world but I knew I just couldn't eat it. All I craved was a can of coke. I never drank coke! Puzzled and concerned, Mum ordered one. The sugar in it made me feel a little better. This confusing nausea lasted on and off for days after that.

Exam nerves? On the Wednesday I had the 11+ examination and I could hardly see the page. I needed the toilet but I wasn't allowed to go. It was horrible - they told me it was nerves! Could an exam I was easily capable of passing really make me feel so ill?

On Thursday after a terrible night Dad took me to the Doctor's which was when I heard the awful news. I was stunned and couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face. People in the waiting room stared as I walked out crying uncontrollably. I had to go to the hospital immediately and I can clearly remember every bump of the road. The journey seemed endless. As we got closer to Warwick hospital many terrifying thoughts crowded into my head: would I die? Could I still eat sweets? I was so scared I didn't know what to do or think. Mum met us at the hospital from work. I can remember the tears, smells, looks on faces all mixed together. It was then that I met my diabetes nurse, Denise. Her calm, matter of fact manner reassured us all.

Walking down the corridor, which I know so well now, seemed like the longest walk in the world. There were nurses and surgeons everywhere and before I knew it, I was sitting on a bed having my blood sugar tested again and in a blur of confusion we went to the 'Green Room' to practise injecting insulin into a teddy bear. The time had come for me to inject myself. I could see the tears welling up in my mum's eyes as I put the first needle into my thigh. She knew it wasn't the last.

Now. Three years on..

Only I know what it is really like being me. Mum tries, Dad attempts to and my teachers also do what they can. Sometimes, however, my friends forget and they offer me sweets. Dr Davies probably knows what it is like, but to him, I am just a name on his list. My appointments should be every three months but sometimes they are cancelled. That must be frustrating for him because my last HBA1C results have been above eight. Alarmingly, one was even 13! I know Dr Davies realises what can happen when HBA1C results are so high but he doesn't dwell on it because I am a child and he thinks it will worry me. But I know what really lies beneath the cover up. I know what it means. I listen so that everyone thinks that I am calm and rational, but only I really know what it is like to be me.

This competition is an opportunity to try to put my hidden thoughts into words. This opportunity has given me a means of expression. I can see this is beginning to sound as if I am writing a dull complaint about not being understood, but that's where you are wrong. Read on. I am growing up and trying to cope with mixed feelings. This is an honest essay, a snapshot of me then and me now.

Living with diabetes can be really irksome but so is much in life. I don't like having diabetes, testing my blood 6 times a day and injecting every time I eat. I still don't understand why one minute I was healthy, the next I was diagnosed with the disease. However, I am an optimistic person and I don't let it get me down all that often. It doesn't stop me attempting anything and I achieve a lot!

I find that exercise makes controlling my blood sugar much easier. I swim three times a week, play county hockey and I enjoy climbing. At school I am in the CCF and participate in all the activities. I took part in a sponsored 100 mile swim last term, swimming through the night. All the money I raised was given to Diabetes UK. This was a massive achievement but it proved quite a challenge controlling my blood. I really do not want to let my diabetes take control of my life. Diabetes is not me. It is part of me, but the whole of me is greater than the part of me that is diabetes.