I've never done anything like this before so I don't know where to start. What is there to say about diabetes, everyone's experience is different? Diabetes . . . a well known illness that affects millions of people and yet I still feel alone, almost isolated for being different. At the minute I'm on the two injections a day but considering the four. But I'm finding it really hard to decide because I feel that the two controls me as I have to test my blood, take the right amount of insulin then decide what to eat. Although the four a day may be better it seems one major step to take. I was told not to let diabetes control your life, but it does. I don't seem to be able to help it or even stop it. When going out for a meal a diabetic has to disturb it by going for their insulin. This is my life but somehow I'm not in control of it, the diabetes is me. Maybe I'll find this control by trying the four injections a day but I don't know whether this will be the big enough difference that I'm looking for. The unknown is a scary place and I feel that I'm there quite a lot.

Injections hurt, I rotate them on the tops of my legs but they still bruise. There's not really anyone to talk to about it either. Yes there are plenty of people that are there for me and lots of support but its only diabetics that understand. I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2001, the year I started high school. It got me thinking about things in life and made me see them differently. Diabetes is a major issue, but it could be worse. Starting high school at the same time as being diagnosed was even harder. Friends turned against me because I was different. They were following the typical school life of work and play whereas I had to take everything seriously. It was a life changing experience. The mad thing is I remember it like it was yesterday. We'd been the doctors for tests and was waiting for the results, we was sat down eating fish, chips and peas when the doctor rung. I remember Wendy helping me and explaining everything to me. I was 11, I wanted to be out with friends, eating sweets, not monitoring everything. I kept breaking down, I always asked the question "why me?" I thought it was unfair. One of the worst parts was the look on my mum and dads faces. I remember my dad going to his room and crying, just staring out of the window, that's the only time I've seen him cry. They were both shocked, I don't think they expected it, well they knew the symptoms but obviously didn't want it to be true.

I try my best to improve but it's never quite good enough. I've even got to the point where things don't make sense. Take for instance the other night, at supper time my blood was 13 so I went to bed with nothing to eat, I woke up and it was 17. I've also come across this theory that eating sugary foods brings my blood down quicker than eating 'proper foods.' This is a good thing though because it means extra treats every now and again. But I seem to go against the rules and regulations of diabetes.

7 years down the line and I can't stick my own injection in my leg. I use the pen where you press the button, the children's one I think. I don't feel strong enough to do it anymore, I used to be able to though. Something happened and it became a major issue and I ended up crying and feeling weak and disappointed in myself at injection time. Even now I can't get past that point where I hesitate. Even if my mum or dad are there ensuring me that it's ok, I just can't get past that point. I don't know what changed in me, but it would be a real achievement if I could do it again.

I often find myself wondering about where all these mad things develop from. How did diabetes develop? Why did someone decide that we could inject insulin and act as the pancreas? My biggest question is can it ever be stopped? It's been a couple of days since I started writing this and I've now moved on to the 4 injections a day. It's been a bit crazy so far. I really dislike the first bit of a new insulin because of the trial and error. It's weird because I'm forced to eat when I don't want to and I want sugary foods when I shouldn't, so it is just like a rollercoaster. But I know that it's going to settle down eventually and I've just got to bear with it. The main thing that's holding me together with this is the support I receive. My mum and dad have been there with me through everything and they really have been amazing. My boyfriend is also there for me and it does help to talk through it to someone close to me. I feel better in myself, especially now that I've had the courage to change to four injections a day.